And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
