I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
