yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
