when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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