Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
