i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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