the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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