it wasn't lemon gatorade
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
