He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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