so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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