I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My balls are so social today.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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