Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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