It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
