That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
