the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
