Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
