I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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