If i could tip my vagina, i would.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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