Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
