I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're a waste of cheezeits
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
