i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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