Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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