I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and she was petting her beer can
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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