That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
