I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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