You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
