i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
