Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
