Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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