Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
