Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
