U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
