so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
