Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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