You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
