Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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