So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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