I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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