I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I want a musical about memes.
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