the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
