i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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