i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
