My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
