then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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