Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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