Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
