forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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