Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
