worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
