I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
