Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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