found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
