I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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